I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
