Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize