My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
