he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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