Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
