My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
