If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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