ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
