Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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