apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he shaved USA in his pubs
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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