My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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