You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
