why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
