If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
