let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how drunk are you?
Several
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
