Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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