Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
