allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
