I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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