Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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