My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
