oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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