That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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