I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
