Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the condom got lost in my hair
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
