party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
