my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
