So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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