we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Its about making memories worth repressing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
