What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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