my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We had sex on a dog bed..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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