I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
