I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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