and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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