that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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