Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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