It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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