I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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