She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
