smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
