party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
