that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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