And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
