i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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