I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
