question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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