I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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