I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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