I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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