Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
