Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
