He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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