i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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