Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
