He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
P.S. I can't hear my feet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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