I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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