dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't deserve a penis
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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