the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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