Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
