brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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