i just made my gag reflex go away.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
