my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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