put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
