fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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