i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
