you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
