You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
there is glitter all over my balls
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
