i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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