This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
