he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
