No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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