So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
