Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
