At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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