I must be too annoying 4 u.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
