just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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