i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
