So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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