about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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