1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
