In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
