Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
